March 12, 1942

Corregidor

Quiet, uneventful trip crossing Bay. Gatas depressed when he heard President no longer here. He said he heard of it but he was not sure.

Life here is very boring. No action. It’s all going in and out of the tunnel. When there is a raid, just go in the tunnel. After its over, you go out and breathe the fresh air.

After raids, officers always ask: “When will the convoy arrive?”

Placards have been posted around the Rock prohibiting discussion of military matters.

Ate three times. First, with officers in tunnel; then with Filipino officers in barracks; third, with Marines.

Arranged insurance papers of officers in our unit. Capt. Pepe Razon was very helpful. He is a finance officer. Gatas fixed Lim’s salary. His wife will collect for him.

Romulo said that Col. Manuel Roxas is being called by the President to Mindanao but that Roxas does not like to leave the Rock.

Romulo wanted me to take part in a script for tomorrow’s Voice of Freedom broadcast but the General said I had to be back by 6 p.m.

Heard another batch of Americans and Filipinos to be given DSC for bravery in the front.

March 12, 1942 — Thursday

After breakfast went to Buenavista Rest House with Mr. Canceran to attend to some correspondence. I discussed that 80% of enlisted men of Philippine Army are using Enfield rifles without extractors and have to use a bamboo rod to extract the shell after each shot. Returned home at 12:30 p.m.

At 3:30 p.m. I returned to Buenavista Rest House to finish some work — Returned to Panubigan at 6:30 p.m.

March 11, 1942

Walked in the garden. Watched the blue heavens. I love the night, especially dark nights. It detaches you from the world. Makes you forget yourself and all your cares. And somehow you look upward, and the longer you gaze, the more you realize you don’t belong here. The mystery of life becomes clearer and clearer. Beyond the stars, you see the answer.

In the darkness, man sees the light.

March 11, 1942

HQ, MIS, Bataan

Japs attempting to penetrate western sector by putting pressure on 1st regular division. Continuous artillery bombardment in eastern front. Three raids this morning in rear areas. Rodriguez Park and Cabcaben dock subjected to intense bombing.

Saw many planes flying in direction of the Rock. On their return, they strafed Mariveles airfield.

Laborers still levelling Mariveles Field. Giant derricks rearing in eastern side of field all day. Do they still expect planes?

Boys fired at a low-flying plane near HPD. The plane turned out to be one of our fighters. We still have four.

Saw several tanks and anti-tanks moving towards eastern front. What does that mean?

(later)

Major Javallera is a dull fellow.

He was insisting that the Pampangueña he visits is nicer than the one I visit because “she is better built, curvier, you know…”

I said that the Pampangueña I visit is more intelligent and entertaining and her features are finer and proportionate.

He said: “Ah, I like a curvy body, with lots of dynamite”. “Like that!” he gestured with his hands, indicating the hips.

I said: “The trouble with you Major is that you have no esthetic sense.”

He answered: ” Of course not, I’m not a radio. What you mean –static?”

Those listening laughed.

The Major laughed too but he did not know why.

Gatas Santos is here. Will bring him to rock.

March 11, 1942 — Wednesday

Attended Mass and received Holy Communion. At 10 p.m. I went to Buenavista Rest House to send a radio to General Chynoweth and phone Colonel Hilsman. Returned to Panubigan 12 p.m. After luncheon I returned to Buenavista Rest House to work with Captain Salazar in coding some messages to be sent. Returned to Panubigan at 7:30 p.m. When I gave the President a radio message [from MacArthur] expressing his distress over his illness and praying for his recovery, he became quite happy. “That man certainly loves me,” he said.

I Retired early.

(Note: We received a radio from General MacArthur that Philippine Army officers, will receive the pay of U.S. Army officers.)

March 10, 1942 — Tuesday

Got up at 12:30 a.m. to give Captain Salazar the code. Served at Mass and took Holy communion. At 10 a.m. left with Chaplain Ortiz and Captain Salazar to Buenos Aires. On the road we met Colonel Hilsman and Captain Mason who were on their way to Panubigan. I told them that the President was sick and unable to talk so they turned around and I rode with them as far as La Granja. We dropped Captain Salazar at La Granja to decode the telegrams brought by the Colonel. Chaplain Ortiz and I proceeded to Buenos Aires and then to Bacolod where we had to buy some things. At 5 p.m. I returned to Buenos Aires Colonel Hilsman’s car was waiting for me. While in Silay I visited the concentration camp for Japanese, Germany and Italians. They had no complaint and were well treated. There I saw Belloti and Bigardi.

At 6:30 p.m. I met Colonel Hilsman at La Carlota and we went to the Sugar Central where we were the guests of Mr. & Mrs. Fritz Von Kauffman for supper. Mrs. Kauffman (Amalia) was surprised and happy to see me. I was once their family physician. The little girl I had so often treated is already eleven years old. The dinner was excellent. At 9:30 p.m. I left, dropped Colonel Hilsman and Captain Mason at their Headquarters at La Granja and then proceeded to Panubigan arriving there at 11:30 p.m.

March 10, 1942

Ferrer released. Was badly manhandled.

Mateo Borja and Isias Pacheco arrived this morning after surveying the Bicol region. Reported: a good harvest in Camarines Sur, around 2,000,000 cavans of palay. Price: ₱2.00—₱2.20. In Albay, the NARIC branch was looted. ₱400 was stolen from the safe. But a balance of ₱8,000 remains in the Legaspi branch of the Philippine National Bank.

Charlie Hollman arrived from Calumpit. Said several girls were abused. Part of his clothes were looted. Some soldiers took a fancy to his shirts. One officer took his car (and) gave him a receipt in Japanese scrawl.

Java has fallen after nine days of fighting. Bataan still holds. I am proud of our boys.

Vargas cannot help Pagu. Expressed his regrets. Nobody may interfere with the Military Police. The Japanese themselves are afraid.

On my way home, saw them looking out of their windows, as they were. Noticed men gazing and giggling. The women passing by refused to look. There was a pretty one.

Distance and carelessness lend enchantment to the view.

March 10, 1942

HQ, MIS, Bataan

Life is getting harder and harder. Morning ration reduced to one handful of ‘lugao’.

Sometimes carabao meat is given. It is made into ‘tapa’ so that the rest can be preserved for some other day.

The mess officer told me that very soon we will have horse-meat for viand. The QM will slaughter the remaining horses of the 26th cavalry. I don’t think I can eat those brave horses.

Bombing has been intensified. Raids are more frequent. Rest periods between raids are shorter and shorter.

More men stricken with malaria and dystentery. Many shell-shocked cases. Several dozen cases of appendicitis and many tuberculosis patients.

Morale visibly on the downgrade. Officers greet fellow officers with remark: “What, is there any hope yet of the convoy?”

Reports from front indicate that the boys there are suffering from blindness especially at night due to lack of vitamins.

Men are weary, exhausted. They work all day and they also act as sentries at night. Men have only several hours of sleep. Sometimes two or three only.

We officers do double, triple work. Many officers are sick, others have died.

Gasoline shortage. Use of trucks and cars are limited. Horses that are not eaten will be used to help out in the transportation problem.

No more quinine. Medicine bottles in hospital are empty. Doctors are working day and night. Wounded have increased.

Paper for SYIM publication very limited. Practically no more stencils. Food for evacuees cut down. One civilian in evacuee camp committed suicide.

Japs continue dropping surrender-leaflets. They have changed technique. Behind surrender-leaflets, they print the picture of a naked ‘mestiza’. Still no cases of desertion.

Fred thinks “It’ll take a long time for the convoy to arrive”. “There is no use deluding ourselves,” he says.

Some of the officers believe Hart’s fleet was beaten in naval battle around Macassar strait.

Others think convoy will be diverted to Australia.

Still others cling to distant hope of war between Japan and Russia.

Very few believe the convoy will be here in a few weeks.

Some think –very few of them– that “we will all die here.”

Japs have given ultimatum urging immediate, unconditional surrender –or else.

We have chosen the: or else.

(later)

Visited her again. She helps one forget this blasted war.

We sat again under the cenniguela tree but I couldn’t stay there for more than an hour.

Fred and Leonie visited the other girl. They will rival each other. They had better make an agreement: one day Leonie, one day Fred.

When Major Javallera found out, he complained. Told Fred: “That’s my territory.”

“That’s all right, sir,” said Fred. “Don’t you believe in Communism? What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine?”

“Stand for private property,” said the Major.

“Abuse of authority, sir,” ventured Fred jokingly.

The Major replied: “All’s fair in love and war.”

March 9, 1942 — Monday

At 2:20 a.m. I was awakened by Captain Salazar who wanted the secret code to decode a message from General MacArthur.

Served at Mass and received Holy Communion. After the mass the President called me and showed me his sputum which had a little blood. He immediately sent for Dr. Trepp. I gave him an injection of Calcium and Redoxon. When Dr. Trepp arrived he advised repose for at least two days.

March 9, 1942

Paez may resign. Melo and Abes have left already. With Pagu in Fort Santiago, I will be left alone. And it is especially now that we should stick together. Oliveros is trying his best to fill Pagu’s job. Tanco is quite a help, for he gets along with the Japanese. We have a very important task. Yes, there are a lot of difficulties and unpleasantness. But we have to sacrifice personal preference for public service. Even if under the present set-up, only the crumbs that fall from the Japanese table go to the Filipinos, we’ve got to help gather and collect and equitably [distribute] those crumbs, if we don’t want to see our men, women and children starve. Of course, most people, and even high government officials, don’t give much weight to prognostications of shortage and possible hunger these days. They do not see beyond the bowl of rice on their tables. But our rice supply is not an everlasting, never-ending source. The rice in our bodegas is fast being consumed. Importation is not in our hands. And if we don’t pull together and do something about procuring the rice in our fields, it will rot and before we know it, the price of rice will sky-rocket. Then we shall wake up, get excited and alarmed, and vainly search for rice. Some, of course, will have rice stocked in their houses. But many others will have none. And it will be the same old story of the “have-nots” fighting the “haves.” Blood will surely flow and…

Oh well I hope I’m wrong.

March 9, 1942

MIS, HQ, Bataan

Heard Mass. Mass was celebrated beside a huge boulder under a tall tree. I was the server and a very clumsy one at that.

Confessed to priest and got short penance. He was a very understanding priest.

During communion planes roared overhead but dropped no bombs. Priest continued saying Mass without interruption. He is a very good priest, cool and calm. I don’t remember his name.

Priest gave a short sermon. He said: “A country is not made up of its geographical boundaries or its towns and cities and provinces. A country is made up of its people. The strength of a people is its Army and you are the army. Until you have been conquered, the country has not been conquered. Let God’s will be done.”

After Mass I had a short chat with him. He described how he gave a short talk to men in the front before they advanced to clear up ‘pockets’. He said he felt like crying when he saw thousands of men kneeling in the heart of the mountain to receive his blessings in a mass-confession.

He said that officers who had been away from the sacraments for years, some 10 to 20 years, went to confession.

God is in suffering, he said.

I don’t know why but whilst he spoke I kept remembering the cenniguela tree.

March 8, 1942 — Sunday

I saw the District Engineer and I asked him to study another road below the mountain. In the afternoon he reported that he had found one which could be finished in one week.

At 4:45 p.m. The President and his family, Colonel Nieto, Chaplain Ortiz, Capt. Salazar and I left Buenos Aires for Hacienda Panubigan of Mr. Luis Perez Samarillo on the road to Vallehermoso. We arrived at 7:30 p.m. The rest of the party remained in Buenos Aires. Major Soriano who was on his way to Cebu accompanied us as far as Panubigan.

I retired early — Not feeling very well.

March 8, 1942

Ferrer wanted in Fort Santiago again. Sent a messenger to fetch him from his house. He couldn’t go to office today. He went to the fort at 11 o’clock. He should be called Job.

Fixed my papers in the office. Dismissed Valdezco, early. After all, it is Sunday. The man needs a rest. He works too hard.

Fall of Bandoeng imminent, according to Radio Tokyo. This will place the entire west side of Java in Japanese hands.

Will entreat Vargas to appeal for Pagu. Somebody said they gave him the “water-cure” and he spat blood. Must comfort his wife. Poor woman. Will ask his son what his family needs.

Many desertions by Filipino soldiers in Bataan, Domei claims. “With their morale and fighting spirit seriously undermined due to the continuous Japanese bombing and acute shortage of foodstuffs, the number of Filipino soldiers deserting from the Bataan peninsula is increasing daily,” Domei reports.

Domei indulges in wishful thinking.

March 8, 1942

MIS, HQ, Bataan

Zamboanga has been occupied at 4:35 yesterday afternoon. Pao Sen, deputy commander of Chinese Red Army was killed during Jap attack on East Hopei. Port Moresby raided by Japs for the seventh time. Batavia, capital of NEI, is in Jap hands. Sourabaya is now in peril. Broome, on the northwest coast of Australia, subjected to heavy aerial bombardment. Hangars, flying-boats and naval planes were destroyed. All the East is practically in Jap hands: all of the eastern coast of China, Hongkong, Shanghai, Thailand, Indo-China, Singapore, NEI, Borneo, and on the other side Guam, Saipan, Tinian, Wake; and the range of Jap bombers reach up to the coast of San Francisco to the interior of Australia, to the hinterlands of Chungking and beyond.

Only places that still stands within this circle holding up flag of democracy: Bataan and Corregidor.

In Manila, Japs have ordered blackout in waterfront. Reports state that waterfront filled with military supplies.

Night fishing activities and navigation in the Bay are also prohibited. This will make operation of our agents in Hagonoy difficult.

Operatives report that nobody has paid attention to Jap announcement that they will drop letters to relatives in Bataan.

Japs organizing Philippine Constabulary. Gen. Jose de los Reyes has been designated director.

Sentiments of Manilans from higherups to masses, strongly against Japs. They resent slapping and other abuses committed by Jap soldiers and officers.

Manilans expecting USAFFE to attack anytime. A lot of rumors about reinforcements.

(later)

Will be given wound chevron for injury sustained in reconnaissance patrol. Celebrated. Lt. Maceda brought a bottle of whiskey.

The General asked me: “What’s that you smell of? Have you been drinking?”

I said it was anti-malarial tonic, hic.

He laughed. Said: “Give me some. I’ve got malaria too, hell.”

March 7, 1942 — Saturday

I told the President that I was going out with the District Engineer to study a possible road that would give us a back yard escape from Buenos Aires in case of an invasion by the enemy at Pulupandan or Bacolod. This is one his major worries. I went out and we came back at 4 p.m. after hiking through the trails on the Kanlaon. The road in that place would be impossible to build in a short time. Our report displeased the President. He then began to make plans to transfer to another locality.

March 7, 1942

Reign of terror.

Shades of the Inquisition, the “Red-purge,” Jan Valtin’s “Out of the Night.”

Sison has disappeared. He fled to the mountains. The Japanese Military Police is looking for him.

Stories have crept out of Fort Santiago. Men are being tortured. Several have died because of the “water-cure.” Blows, lashings, chains, hysterical screams.

Tanco ate with me. Related the manner of his investigation. “I spoke out the truth,” he stated. He was nervous, agitated. I don’t blame him. Tanco told me he admitted to the Military Police that he saw a copy of U.S. News through Pagulayan.

Stories of men tied upside down for days, without food nor water. Stories of men under whose finger nails sharp sticks were inserted. Stories of men clubbed with bats on the back, the shoulders and then the head.

Found this note on my desk. It speaks for itself.

March 7, 1942

7:40 a.m.

My dear Doctor,

I am going to Fort Santiago this morning, as per Mr. Nakashima’s instructions yesterday, with a clear conscience, as I know that I have not done anything inimical to the interest of the Army of Occupation. In fact, I have done my bit in suppressing not only among my fellow-employees but among my friends outside any talk not only against the Japanese but also about war in all its controversial aspects. This is not to say that there has been much talk against the Japanese in our office; far from it. But I have tried to help guard against any undesirable rumors of whatever nature. Some even insinuated that I am pro-Japan.

I am grateful, doctor, and deeply so, for your kind words for me in front of Mr. Nakashima yesterday. I shall treasure your generous commendation. Whatever happens, doctor, I trust I can always count on your magnanimous help to me and all of us, your men in the office. If worse comes to worst in my particular case today, I shall pray God that you may not, as in the past, neglect your servant. I have tried to be worthy of your confidence, and you know it, Sir. Now that I am in the cross-roads of my life, I will continue to hold on to your bigheartedness. I have (and my family has too) always prayed for my immediate chief, Mr. Pagu, for his safety. May God hear my prayers, the prayers of all his friends including yours, Doctor, even in the dark future, I shall also be praying for you.

Ferrer

Ferrer was allowed to return home late in the afternoon. There were several contusions on his body and he had a black eye.

Read the Bushido. Impressed by one of its tenets: kindness and fair treatment towards the enemy. It emphasizes chivalry.

Every time a Japanese manhandles a Filipino, anti-Japanese hatred increases. Fort Santiago is the most powerful propaganda arm of the United States.

March 7, 1942

HQ, MIS, Bataan

Went to her after sunset. Major Javallera said it was o.k. “Spend your furlough as you please but after that back to work,” he said. “How is your thigh?” he asked. I said the wound was healing fast as it was only superficial.

Sat on the grass under the cenniguela tree under the moonlight. Plenty of stars and the sky was blue and the night was beautiful.

I recited some of the poems I learned in school and she recited “Sonnets from the Portuguese.”

She was still wearing the same shorts and I was still wearing my dirty uniform but we both did not mind because we both knew this was war and we had very few clothes.

She said that two big pieces of shrapnel fell inside their shack after hitting a tree. She also showed me a piece of a machinegun bullet.

She looked beautiful in the moonlight with the wind blowing against her hair.

Again I told her that she was very nice to me and that she has made me forget a lot of the hardships of this war.

Again she asked if that was all.

Again I was silent because I really did not know if that was all.

Then I don’t know how it happened but as we lay there on the grass I turned around and kissed her on the lips and she kissed me back and then she said I must not do that again because she….

I said “Because why?”

“Because,” she hesitated but I think it was the truth “I am married to that fellow from San Beda who is now in America.”

I told her why she did not tell me before and she said that she wanted to tell me but she did not get to tell me and that she just did not know why she did not tell me.

I was silent for a long time because I had so many thoughts in mind and I could not decide whether to apologize or to get angry so I just kept quiet.

She was silent too and U could hear her breathing but she did not move from where she was lying in the grass beside me and I could feel her arm against my arm.

The sky was very beautiful above and the clouds would cover the stars and the wind made noise as it moved the leaves of the cenniguela tree. The leaves that were fried by the sun fell on the ground beside us whenever the wind blew the higher branches of the tree.

When I was going to stand up to return to the HQ because it was getting dark and besides I did not think it was proper to stay there anymore, she told me to stay where I was and she said that she was sorry.

I told her that there was nothing to be sorry about and I told her that I had a girl friend in Manila too and I hope she…

She stopped me and she said for me not to say what I was going to say because she knew it already and it would not make her feel well.

Before leaving I shook hands with her and it was quite long and then I told her I would not be able to see her any more because my leave would be over and there would be many things to do.

When I said goodbye, she opened her arms and pulled me and kissed me and she said goodbye, and she smiled.

She said: “When boys try to kiss me, I don’t slap them. I tell them I am married and that stops them.”

She smiled again.

I’ve got to admit that when she smiled and said what she said I felt like a child but I guess it was all due to the moonlight and the stars and the wind and the cenniguela tree and the sound of artillery in the front and of course her tempting way and that lovely smile and smooth complexion.

Or maybe its because I’m a dumb-cluck.

March 6, 1942 — Friday

The President bought a second hand Cadillac for himself. He asked me to accompany him to go to La Granja to see Colonel Hilsman at 5 p.m. I did. We came back in time for dinner.(6:40 p.m.). After dinner we went out again to the Maao Sugar Central. On our way back we met the USSAFFE car on the road returning from Buenos Aires. When I told him so, he ordered our car to turn around and pursue it. That was a wild chase. We did not reach it. We returned to the Maao Central and he made me phone Colonel Hilsman to inquire the contents of the telegrams that he had sent. I was told that one was in code, the other only informing about two Japanese transports were seen at 5 p.m. off the coast of Gasan, Marinduque on the way to Mindoro. This began to worry him. He insisted that the report was wrong, and that very probably those transports were coming towards Visayas to arrest him. No amount of discussion would make him change his mind. Finally he asked me to instruct Colonel Hilsman to wire the Constabulary Lieutenant at Boac for verification. Fortunately, the coded radiogram was from General MacArthur informing us that all was quiet and that the enemy had disembarked troops in the northern part of Mindoro, undoubtedly to enforce the blockade of Verde Island passage. This quieted him a little and he retired at 12:40 a.m. At 3 a.m. the wire from Boac arrived informing that the two Japanese transports were coming from the South and were heading towards the northern part of Mindoro. This coincided with General MacArthur’s report.

March 6, 1942

At about 2 p.m. Mr. Nakashima informed me that Mr. Ferrer, chief clerk, and Mr. G. Sison, secretary to the Food Administrator, were wanted at Fort Santiago.

“Maybe it isn’t very serious.” explained Nakashima. “because they are not being taken. but called.”

I notified Ferrer immediately. No need describing his reaction. I sympathize with him.

Sison was not in the office, so I sent a messenger to his none to notify him. He was not there.

Somebody released from Fort Santiago said he saw Pagu. ‘‘His hands and feet were shackled and there was blood on his shirt,’’ the man whispered.

That is why there are revolutions. There is more than just oratory to Patrick Henry’s “Liberty or Death!”

March 6, 1942

HQ, MIS, Bataan

Could not see her today. Could not leave the HQ. Too much bombing.

Sgt. Sinculan thinks the bombs were dropped near the evacuee camp. She might have been hit. I hope not. Will go there early tomorrow.

Had carabao’s meat today with the rice. Lt. Tatco, mess officer, was able to shoot a carabao in one of the streams of Mt. Mariveles. We fried the meat and it was delicious.

Fred opened a bottle of rhum he received from an American officer. We drank during the bombardment and it calmed our nerves.

Felt so helpless as Japs flew very low strafing and bombing at will.

Many were wounded. Many trucks outside hospital. We are like rats. Worse.

Major Montserrat is very ill. The doc says he may die.

Listened to Voice of Freedom. Its words sounded hollow after terrific bombardment. When, when, when will the convoy arrive? Will it ever arrive? If it won’t, they why don’t they tell us? If it will, is it military secrecy that keeps them from telling us? Nope, it won’t arrive any more. They can’t pass thru the Jap blockade. They can’t go beyond Macassar strait. Roosevelt was not clear about helping us in his speech. Yes, it will arrive. America is such a great nation. Her factories have stopped building cars. Nothing but planes, planes, planes. They will darken the skies with their planes. The Japs will see. Hell, where are the planes? We are like rats here, running under the ground, living in dug-outs and fox-holes, bombed morning and afternoon and night and morning again. Where is the convoy? And what about the food? Sure, its easy to say “keep on fighting” but you can’t fight without food on your stomach. Wasn’t it Napoleon who said an army marches on its stomach? They boys in the front have been there for more than 60 days without replacement, without rest, without food, food, FOOD. Yes, Voice of Freedom why don’t you answer these questions? That’s what we’d like to know. Words can’t feed us. Words, words, words. Day by day, more and more die. Die of sickness. Die of hunger. Die of bombs. Die of shells. Die of bullets. Die, Die, Die. This can’t go on forever. We are human beings. Do you hear Voice of Freedom, “we are human beings”? You can’t keep matching flesh against steel? Oh hell, what am I thinking about. Sure, help’s coming. Roosevelt said so. America is not going to let us down. The eyes of the world are on us. The whole of humanity is watching us keep up the torch in this orient that’s fast getting enveloped by darkness. This is something worth dying for! Yes, I’m going to die. I am not going to see home anymore. Not going to see mama, papa and……, hell, hell, hell, what am I thinking about… O Lord!

Raid again.